the world is a good place.
Dear Sedaratives,
My friend Andrew is experiencing a renaissance after a relative nadir in his love life. I want to buy him a gift that says, “Yeah, dude. You’re doing it. Be safe.” What would you suggest?
Sandy
San Francisco, Calif.
P.S. He is a box turtle
Dear Sandy,
Well, obviously you don’t need to get him condoms or anything like that. My guess is he already has an iPod. You should build him a turtle-sized modern home with glass walls, a steam shower, hot tub, and lettuce room - basically Howard Roark the place. A classy turtle is a happy turtle.
Eugene
P.S. If the reason your friend is experiencing a renaissance in his love life is because you bought another turtle and put her in his cage, then you are no better than Indian parents that make their daughter marry some rich family’s son in exchange for horses and weird drums. I know, why end this with a confused, ethnically charged remark? So you start seeing turtles like I do - as pawns in a cultural war.
- the Believer, Feb 09 issue.
